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There are things in this life that break us. Usually they involve some sort of loss-of health, of life, of relationship, of stuff. Despair is a crippler. You can’t breathe; you can’t think; you can’t see a way out. The world becomes very small until it feels like you are living in a tiny bubble apart from everything and everyone, floating along fragile in your pain. At times like these, you have to force yourself to hope and to push through. Start with your breath. In and out, in and out, until it is smooth and full, rather than broken with the catch in your throat from the threatening cry. Keep at that, smooth and full, smooth and full, smooth and full until you can open your eyes and start noticing beauty, maybe, at first, in the tiniest of things. A drop of dew on the grass, the feel of breeze on your skin, laughter of a child,  a bud of a flower, birds in flight. Keep at it. No one said it would be easy. Keep at it. Smooth and full, smooth and full, smooth and full.

Benjamin Franklin’s parents could afford to educate him only until he was 10; he took it from there. Abraham Lincoln lost far more political battles than he won.  Oprah Winfrey lost a child when she was 14. Many writers, like J.K. Rowling and Stephen King, were rejected dozens of times before they ever sold a story.

History is full of people who initially failed but ultimately succeeded, perhaps at something wildly different than what they first started. There is value in an obstacle if you can see it with the right eyes– eyes that look for what is to be learned from the struggle, eyes that value determination and resilience, eyes that look for opportunity.

Which of your obstacles are really gateways to something better?

One of Diana’s Ross’s songs has these lyrics:

“Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to, do you know?
Do you get what you’re hoping for?
When you look behind you there’s no open door.
What are you hoping for, do you know?”

The lyrics are a good wake-up call, check-in with yourself– a good set of questions to walk through every once in a while to make sure you’re heading in the right direction and on the right path. For each of us, the answers to these questions will be different; but, for all of us, we need to listen to our heart’s answers.

Crocodile tears. Derived from an ancient anecdote that crocodiles shed tears for the creature they are eating; the phrase has come to refer to a hypocritical display of false emotion. Insincerity. Sometimes worse– a show of emotion to lull someone in to sharing their story or revealing their vulnerabilities only to use that information against them. Dante reserved his 8th circle of Hell (out of 9, with 9 being worst) for the fraudulent–the hucksters, the corrupt politicians, the panderers and seducers, the false teachers, the perjurers and liars.

Why are they so bad? Perhaps it is because trust is so sacred, a bridge to community, a link between people that keeps us all from chucking it and living like recluses behind a bush. But also, perhaps it is because we do not come with built in BS meters. We are born trusting; we have to learn cynicism. And the way we learn that is to be let down, over and over, by the insincere. And when that harm makes us close off and guard, we become less than what we really are.

So the solution, it seems, is to fight back, not with insincerity of our own, but with authenticity and vulnerability come what may, to keep putting it out there every day, in every circumstance with truth and love and a whole heart. To be sincere. Authenticity and sincerity will help heal those damaged by crocodile tears, and they definitely won’t land us in one of Dante’s circles.

If you look carefully, can you tell who is suffering a storm in their lives? Maybe the fog of depression, the tumult of marital strife, the buffeting of indecision, the downpour of failure? Often a calm demeanor masks these inner storms. Maybe you’ve experienced some rough weather of your own. In all of these situations, your personal sunshine–a warm smile and cheerful disposition–can quiet the storms, or at least make people feel not quite so lonely until the sun shines again. Today, bring your sunshine with you; you never know who is in a stormy place.

Sometimes you need to shake things up– come at a problem from a different angle, step back from a routine, challenge the status quo. We are creatures of habit. We take the same routes to work, chat with the same friends at break, watch the same TV programs, read the same news sources, eat the same foods, think the same thoughts. What if today was a day to be different? A day to attempt something you’ve always wanted to try, a day to introduce yourself to someone new, a day to learn a new hobby, a day to listen– really listen– to someone whose opinions differ greatly from your own, a day to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and walk around a bit, a day to be vulnerable, a day to apologize, a day to consider all your other days and where they are leading? What then?