Tending is such a dear word, not much used these days. To tend: ‘to care or look after, to give one’s attention to’. Lincoln reminds us to ask where we are and whether we are tending. Where we are. Are we where we want to be? Are our relationships as tender and loving as we would like? Are we tending? Do we feel someone is tending to that relationship with us? Do we feel tended to?

What are the kind, gentle ways we can tend to our relationships?

When someone tells us they are sad their relationship with us isn’t better, is our first instinct to deflect, blame, ignore, change the subject, shrug, laugh? Or is to pause, breathe deep, and say, ‘Yes, I wish our relationship was closer, too. Where are we? Are we tending? What can we do to better tend our relationship and draw closer rather than shrug and pull away?’

The world is certainly full of shruggers who turn away even from their closest relationships in favor of new friends or less vulnerability. The shruggers, the cynics, the distancers, the superficial. So be it.

But God bless the tenders. That is where the heart is.