Uplift

How are we?

Posted on by Shari Swanson

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A guy cuts you off in traffic. How do you see him? Is he an inconsiderate lout caring little for the aggravation he causes you or a distracted hapless soul, perhaps late for an emergency? How we see this situation, or any situation, can have a profound effect on our lives.

In this thoughtful essay, Elizabeth Gilbert considers the power of perception. She recounts a time when her father and his siblings were reminiscing about their late mother and how she used to take a sip from any glass of milk she poured for them. They agreed on the fact, that she took a sip, but wildly disagreed on their perception of that fact:

At one point, they found themselves sitting around the old kitchen table, eating sandwiches and talking about the past. My uncle, the baby of the family, looked at the refrigerator and said, “I can still see Mom standing there, pouring me a glass of milk. Do you remember that sweet thing she always used to do whenever she got us a glass of milk? Remember how she’d take a tiny sip first, to make sure it wasn’t spoiled? Always looking out for us.”

My father, the analytical engineer of the family, raised his eyebrows. “No,” he said. “You are so wrong. Mom wasn’t sipping our milk to test it for freshness. She was sipping our milk because she always overfilled the glass. She had no sense of spatial relations. It used to drive me crazy.”

My brilliantly sardonic aunt looked at her two brothers like they were the biggest idiots she’d ever seen.

“You’re both wrong,” she said. “Mom was stealing our damn milk.”

So, what have we learned about my grandmother from this story? Was she a devoted caregiver, an incompetent dunderhead or someone who would steal the milk out of the mouths of her children? (Or maybe just an exceptionally thirsty woman.) The world will never know the truth.

But does the truth really matter?

I don’t think so.

Wow! What a remarkable difference in what each brings to the encounter. Now imagine yourself in each of those mindsets: hostile, critical, or grateful. Which would lead to the happier life?

We don’t have control over facts, but we sure have a tremendous amount of control over how we perceive those facts. We owe it to ourselves to try to see the facts in the most favorable light even if that means consciously going over all the possible interpretations of something and actively selecting the best one to pick.

 

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Normal shmormal.

Posted on by Shari Swanson

normality

Can you think of one person you admire who would be summed up with the word, normal? We are each so unique, so varied, like snowflakes and fingerprints. The only thing normal about people is that we are all different, no two alike.

So don’t worry about being normal.

Be the one-of-a-kind precious creation that is YOU!

Be brave.

Posted on by Shari Swanson

bravepour

There are so many ways to be brave. Doing something that needs to be done even though you’re scared. And not doing something everyone else is doing when it feels wrong. Standing up for yourself or others. Speaking out against injustice when it would be so much easier to stay quiet. Facing a tough diagnosis with hope and patience. Being there for someone when they are hurting. Each of these experiences is the right thing to do in a less than wonderful situation.

What is your idea of being brave?

Sending love and encouragement to anyone going through a less than wonderful time right now.

But soft!

Posted on by Shari Swanson

Butsoft

Are there any more beautiful words in English literature than these: “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?”

These are Romeo’s words when he gazes at Juliet above on the balcony, but what if we were to bring these words into our everyday encounters?

But soft! Listen to the hush here, the rapt attention, all of his focus on her, just her. What if we were to whisper these words to ourselves before we talk with someone? But soft! The world fades, the focus sharpens, all of our attention is on that person. But soft! reminds us not just to be calm and attentive, but also to be gentle and reverent. Wouldn’t any conversation shift if it were preceded by such a lovely call to silence? Wouldn’t But soft! be a perfect pairing of words to bring back into common usage?

“What light through yonder window breaks?” Again, what if we were to look at each other this way? As light, as beings capable of making the world a brighter place. Even those with much of darkness about them have an inner light, a spark of good. What if we were to ignore the dark and focus on the light in each other? What a compliment it is to be called a light! Wouldn’t someone noticing our light make each of us want to shine ever more brightly? And wouldn’t that, accordingly, make the world an ever brighter place?

Look around. Someone wants your attention.

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

Stay sweet.

Posted on by Shari Swanson

 

bitterheart

Why do some people become so bitter? They can’t seem to shake the hurt, that victimization they feel, and they just want to drag down someone else to wallow in it with them. If the blame for the problem is always seen as someone else, they never have anything to confront in themselves or to fix. It’s out of their control, they think, so they just rage.

But is it really? We all get hurt. We all at one time or another are mistreated. But to stop the harm from infecting our hearts and making them bitter, we have to learn how to forgive and let it go. We have to be able to not let that damage change the way we show up in the world. We still have the ability to choose our response and the kind of people we want to be.

Someone may hurt you, but don’t let them poison your life even long after they’ve left.

 

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Holy rhythms

Posted on by Shari Swanson

timekeeper

Do you ever doubt that there is a bigger picture, that the ebbs and flows of your life make sense, that someone cares for you? In this lovely excerpt, Glennon Doyle finds some peace in the rise and fall of the waves and the rhythms of nature:

The surf continues to hit the sand rhythmically and dependably and I trust it will continue. The sun is setting but I know it will rise again tomorrow. There is a pattern to things. This makes me wonder if I can also trust that there is a pattern, a rhythm, a beauty, a natural rise and fall to my life as well. I wonder if the one holding together this sky might also be capable of holding together my heart. I wonder if the one making this sky so achingly beautiful might also be working to make my life beautiful, too.

The top of the sun disappears into the water, and even as I watch it go, I know that I am the one doing the leaving. It is staying in the same place, shining on and on. I will just have to be patient and rest until I can see it again. Light disappears sometimes, but it always comes back. And after I say goodbye to the sun, I applaud loudly for the one responsible for the show. I’m flooded with awe, relief, and comfort. I feel a chill because the sun is down now. Everything is as it should be. All is well.

The other people on the beach start to leave, but I am not ready. I stay still, so I learn that the sky keeps exploding once the sun is gone. Deeper reds and brilliant purples continue to wrap around me like blankets until it all fades into pitch navy. Then I turn around and catch a glimpse of the moon, a silver boomerang in the sky that seems to have appeared out of the literal blue. But I know the moon’s always there, too, waiting for its time to be seen. The day has to fall to make way for the night and the night has to surrender its place so the day can have its turn. This strikes me as a holy rhythm. I wonder if whatever created this rhythm of the tides and the sky and the sun and the moon has a holy rhythm for my life, too. I consider that perhaps I’m in the middle of a cycle. Maybe there is a time for everything. Maybe there is a timekeeper.

Maybe, indeed.

Is it your story?

Posted on by Shari Swanson

story

Are you defining yourself, or are those around you casting you in a role? Perhaps they are casting you as a secondary character in the epic about their own lives. Perhaps they are casting you as a victim or villain. Perhaps someone has branded you with a type: dumb, lazy, hopeless, worthless. What is the part you are playing in your story?

Now leaving isn’t always possible. But you do have the ability to decide how you want to show up in the world. You do have the ability to step out of the type casting and assert yourself to have a starring role in your own life.

If you find yourself taking up too much stage time in someone else’s life (ie. controlling them), you have the power to step back into a more subordinate role and let them take the lead. If you find yourself having no lines or voice in your own story, or that the things you find yourself having to do or say feel like they have no place in the type of story you want to tell with your life, it’s time to rewrite the script.

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To path or not to path?

Posted on by Shari Swanson

 

walking

Have you ever used a pro-con list to make a major decision? On one side you list all the benefits of something; on the other, everything negative. We can do one on the advantages of following a well-trodden path:

Pros:

  • You will get to the destination where the path leads.
  • You will be dealing with less wild and unpredictable terrain.
  • Lots of people have taken this path.
  • You are less likely to encounter surprises.

Cons:

  • See Pros listed above. They are also the Cons.

There are definite advantages to staying on a proven path. But what if taming the unpredictable terrain and charting your own path is what you are after? What if you don’t want to do things like everybody else? What if you’re not sure of your destination, but you’ll know it when you get there? What if you want to make your own way, mistakes and all?

There are times when following a well-trodden path is unwise, and, in fact, detrimental to your mental health. If you felt a tug in your heart considering the questions in the last paragraph, now may be one of those times. After all, someone had to start one of the paths in the beginning. Maybe now is the time to start a new path of your own.

 

 

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You are the sky.

Posted on by Shari Swanson

weather

You may be in a storm right now–untethered, free-falling, desperate. But the storm does not control you any more than you control the storm. You are apart from the storm.

Have you ever taken a flight on a stormy day? You board the plane, and it is overcast, stormy, perhaps raining furiously. But after take off, you climb until you are above the clouds. It’s shocking to discover that there, above the clouds, the sky is blue and clear.

Remember the storm will fade. You are not the storm. Your essence is still there above the clouds, blue in the shining sun. Hold on. The sun will come out again. (But, just so we follow this analogy to its logical end, you are not the sun either. You may have a beautiful day, but that, too, does not define you.)

You are the sky, the constant, behind the weather, influenced by the storms and sunshine in your life but not controlled by them.

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